understatement

understatement

This is a story about second chance.

When I was in 2nd year high school (not too long ago), we had a science project. It was to make a terrarium (whatever that means). Okay, I'm really not sure if it was terrarium making or mini-life making because what I remembered was we bought a bonsai as the center piece of that terrarium.

During then, I always wanted to be on top,. So it's not a surprise if I also want our team to be on top since it was a group project.

I was assigned the leader of the group and we started really out well. When it was done, we definitely had one of the best mini-life form there is. Ours look like a forrest with that bonsai as the center piece, planted in the middle.

The only thing that sucks is we have to take care of it. That means there's this first grade, which we aced. A middle grade during the one month timeframe and then the end grade at the end of the month.

Assuming that we get a 95 (the highest grade there was) for the first one, we just have to get the same grade for the middle and the end and then we're all set. We're number one again.

The thing is, nobody took care of the stupid plant after it was made. Even though I was the leader, I hate taking care of it. I only know how to plan and to take in charge but I hate doing the actual task. There were 5 of us in that group and all of us were busy.

So at the 15th day, when the middle grade was made. We got a 70 (the lowest grade there was). All the plants that were at the side of the bonsai died. The jolens got lost and all the rocks. Even the mini-tautauhan that we placed. 95 + 70 = 165 / 2 = 82.5. Which is still okay considering that the plant looks dead. The branch were the only thing remaining on it. We could just buy a new one, decorate it and if Ms. Rabara, our science teacher likes it, we could still pass, but being number one is obviously not a reality anymore. 95 + 70 + 95 = 260 / 3 = 86 something, which is still above-average, I guess.

But then our brilliant teacher decided that we can't buy a new plant and otherwise rescusitate (did I spell that correctly?) the dead wood. Which is close to impossibe because it really looks dead.

So we made a plan on how to pass this stupid project.

1. Since bonsais looks alike anyway, we can buy a plant similar to the one we have and pluck all the leaves, at least we know it's alive.

2. We can accept the fact that we failed and were losers.

3. Just try do something about it.

So we chose option #3. The 5 of us were looking at the plant.

We decided to buy her a larger base, not really big but bigger than the one we used to have. We did not put any accessory plants first and concentrated if we can still see a sign of life. We also replaced the soil.

I don't know but after day 5 or 6, we saw some signs of hope. We could now see some leaves starting to shoot up. So that was a good sign. That's the time we started buying the accessories again for the plant.

The time the project was finished, the plant has enough leaves but it wasn't really as fantastic as it was before. Miss Rabara decided not to give our final grade yet and that we should take care of the plant first.

So that's what we did. We divided our time and assume responsibilities for the plant. Sometimes I even take the plant to our classroom, just to make sure that nobody would destroy the plant.

So it was like, everyday, something new is added to the terrarium. I really haven't seen my group mates but I'm pretty sure that they go visit the plant because of some things that were added or moved around it.

After a month, the plant really looked magnificent. It got a new life, new branches, it grew bigger and it really was the center of attraction not only of it's humble spot but it stood out among all the other life-forms around it.

What's more beautiful is the fact it was a dead wood a month ago but here she is, one of the most beautiful plants I have ever seen in my life. And we took care of her.

One of the elementary teachers asked if she can have the plant and although I hate to see her go, we decided to give her away knowing that she will be taken cared of by that elementary teacher who really had a green thumb.

I want to say that the story taught me responsibility and time management but it has not. But I learned that if we focus our attention to one thing, somethig will definitely change and that thing will get better.

If I decided to concentrate my time in learning Spanish, chances are I'll get better on it.

Lately, I've read that Margaret Ann Bayot, our representative before to Miss International beat the reigning Miss Universe at a smaller beauty pageant in Colombia.

Imagine, the reigning Miss Universe just placed third in that competition! Colombia won, Philippines second and Canada, Miss Universe 2005 - third.

That's why I decided that I like the new Miss Universe now. She's a perfect example that we can have what we want if we wouldn't let our failures disappoint us.

She first joined Miss Canada in 2004 and was one of the runners-up. She joined Miss Maja Mundal (I think) and placed third.

Then she joined Miss Canada again and won the title this time eventually winning Miss Universe.

Stories like this inspires me.

Clint Eastwood was rejected when he first auditioned for a film.

Elvis Presley was advised to go back driving trucks.

Miriam Quiambao placed second in her local pageant but eventually placed second in Miss Universe 1999.

The thing is, never give up.

Never give in.

understatement

WEEK FOUR

ARTIST OF THE WEEK: CUESHE

SINGLE SPOTLIGHT: MUST GET OUT MAROON 5

I'VE BEEN THE NEEDLE AND THE THREAD

WEAVING FIGURE EIGHTS AND CIRCLES 'ROUND YOUR HEAD

I TRY TO LAUGH BUT CRY INSTEAD

PATIENTLY WAIT TO HEAR THE WORDS YOU NEVER SAID

FUMBLING THROUGH YOUR DRESSER DRAWER

FORGOT WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

TRY TO GUIDE ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

MAKING USE OF ALL THIS TIME

KEEPING EVERYTHING INSIDE

CLOSE MY EYES AND LISTEN TO YOU CRY

I'M LIFTING YOU UP

I'M LETTING YOU DOWN

I'M DANCING TILL DAWN

I'M FOOLING AROUND

I'M NOT GIVING UP

I'M MAKING YOUR LOVE

THIA CITY'S MADE US CRAZY AND WE MUST GET OUT

THIS IS NOT GOODBYE SHE SAID

IT IS JUST TIME FOR ME TO REST MY HEAD

SHE DOES NOT WALK SHE RUNS INSTEAD

DOWN THESE JAGGED STREETS INTO MY BED

FUMBLING THROUGH YOUR DRESSER  DRAWER

FORGOT WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

understatement

"i see you as this guy who's got so much talent but is scared to show it"

those are the exact words that my supervisor told me wahen we talked a few hours ago.

yeah, tell me about it.

after my disastrous performance for quality calls, our sup talked to me and some of my team mates and tried to find ways on how to improve our teams performance.

as a team, we're all doing okay except for one metrics - quality. the quality of call you give to your clients. not that we're rude or something. we just missed some key factors every once in a while.

when i was a kid, i always want to be number one. in everything i do, that's what i always wanted. i guess you can say i always want to be the center of attention. and i guess i'm lucky to say, humility aside, that most often than not, i always get what i want. top that is.

maybe that's why i got this job even though i didn't graduate from college. it sure is nice to know that i'm earning way way above the minimun wage and higher than my accomplished classmates who's all graduates now.

i dunno, maybe because of all the attention that i had way back in high school, led me to this stigma that i really don't give a damn with what people think anymore.

i wouldn't say i'm at peace with myself but i know what i can and can't do.

but i guess we're living in a world where you always have to put your best foot forward. god, i'm really tired of putting fake smiles. i'm so sick of the shit. i don't want to be nice to everyone. i don't want to fake it. i just want to get real.

but you can't. you just can't.

i look back at all these years and sometimes when i look at the mirror or some old photographs, i can't believe the man that i have become. sometimes it feels good, sometimes not. but most of the times, i feel good of what i had become. considering my lack of college education.

some of my classmates' parents look at me as a failure comparing to ther sons or daughters. me, graduating top of my class, people were expecting a lot from me. i had college scholarships, i had their adulation and zoom to 6 years, i still don't have a degree.

not that i care. but sometimes it wearies me out. i do know that i want to finish college. it's on my list. not just really the top priority.

pero kailangan ng diskarte. you can't survive in this world with just brains alone.

don't they notice that sometimes, the most successful people are not the ones who get the highest grades suring high school but those who don't give up?

look at juneven, my partner during high school graduation parade. a lot of people looked at her as a complete waste when she got pregnant at 16. what a disappointment. she almost gave up, her parents left her, the stupid boy who got her pregnant almost left her (or might have left her now) but she just hold on. now she's a proud mother of a smart and cute girl, and yes she's finishing her college and she's getting all the respect she deserves after all.

well look at eric. the boy who can't even speak good english. working in a call center and man, speaks better than all you magna cum laudes.

look at gino, the  boy who got more 70's and failing grades who just draws and draws during class. teacher: i'm so scared about your future. well, i'm glad to tell you miss enfesta, that's he's prob'ly one of the hottest illustrators that i know. sure like to see him draw you upside down now.

so you see, the bottom line is success comes to those people who never give up. what we are today is because of all the pain and determination and will power that we have to succeed.

and sucess we will be.

here's to all the dumb ass, the worthless, the failures, the black sheep, the loner, the wise guy, the deperate, the broken hearted...

may we all rise and prove them all wrong. let's party one day  and drink all the booze that we can and laugh at this stupid people who lives in their stupid worthless world.

wait till you see my stuf strut.

understatement

i had a good day today.

actually it's bad. but i had this theory that you shoudl classify your day as 'good' and 'excellent'. so there, i had a good day.

okay, it's bad.

i was really tired yesterday and it showed through my work. first, my shift is from 8pm up to 5am. around 4, i was really dizzy, so i take a snooze in between calls. and then my sup called my attention and he had this look which says 'this is not the first time you had done this'.

and then when i woke up, one of my team mates said i had 3 qdaps. in a call center, every call is graded and in our office. qdap means 0. this is a total no - no. i don't know what would happen because of that but it's really freakin' the hell out of me.

i couldn't concentrate. i don't want to go to work. all i want to do right now is sleep and eat.

i feel like im 'in good company' the movie. i could just hear the music in the background...

so i'm putting on after shave, nothing is out of place. gonna be on my way, try to pretend it's not glass and concrete and stone. and it's just a house not a home...

next song...

you think you're in control but the action you take only makes you small, just like the way it should be...

next song...

down and down once again, down and down gone again...

next song...

are you reelin' in the years, stoein' away the time. are you gatherin' up the tears, have you had enough of mine?

and then next song...

i will show another me. today i don't need a replacement. i'll tell them what the smile on my face meant, my heart goin' boom boom boom.

"hey", i said

 "you can keep my things...

they've come to take me home."

understatement

this sunday, i believe, we would be celebrating father's day.

i remember i lost my dad when i was in grade 2, sometime in september. no, he didn't die, he just went to the states, but i never saw him again after that.

with the short seven years i have spent with him, i could say that i was loved, spoiled, papmpered. i can't remember all the things we do, the places we went, but there are still some snapshots which stands out.

i rememember asking him if it's cold in the states.

i remember how he always carries me when i'm tired, or when he scares me if i don't go home before 6. he would always look for me.

i remember that we take a bath together (yes we do, ha ha! that's funny)

i remember independence day and how he would stop our car on the road just to get those flags hanging in the postst.

i remember people are scared of him, what being in the military, he have poeple under his command and because i'm his son, i could get what i want, ha ha!

i remember we look alike.

i remeber saturdays are spent buying toys.

unfortunately, that's all i remember.

when he went to the states, he would call once in a while, sent us money.

and then 1992 came and that changed our lives forever.

and then 1999 came and that changed my life forever.

i don't want to elaborate, there's no need to anyway.

but aftere all these years, i'm thankful that somehow i've managed to pull it through with the help of my li'l bro , some friends and a little mix of determination, courage and hope.

the vision that i have with him is the face when he left us 16 years ago. i'm really not sure what he looks like now. i think the last time we talked was 2 years ago. don't know, sometimes, i'm interested to find out what he's doing, sometimes, i couldn't give a damn.

the experience of growing up without a father made me a better man in a way, i guess. sometimes, i'm bitter but often times, i couldn't wait for the future when i have children of my own.

i don't know what kind of father i would become, but i'm making sure that my children would feel my love and care.

i'm looking forward for the time when i, myself, becomes a father too.  couldn't wait for that day.

i guess, this father day, i'll just content myself for the fact that i was once, too, loved and someday, i'm going to give away all the love that i didn't get.

happy father's day.